I never knew that reborn dolls exist until I stumbled upon them.  I would not advise mothers who delivered stillbirths and premature babies to even look at them.  However, I wish to have my say on this because I found them to be very distasteful.

Reborn dolls are life size prematured babies.  According to the site that is selling them, they can even tailor the doll to look exactly the way you want.

For what reasons does a bereaved mother wants a reborn doll?  Wouldn’t that be more agonising to hang on to a rubber doll?  Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to allow our little angles to be where they are freely without us holding on to much to them?  Personally, I feel it is not good to encourage a woman whom may be having post-natal blues coupled with mourning to be confused with a rubber doll.  It must be better off for her to grieve over the loss and pick up the pieces and carry on.

I will not share any links or any graphics because they are totally,totally sick.  I hope the manufacturer will come to their senses, be sensitive to the grieving mothers and discontiue such collectibles.

I am sorry to all the parents whom may have different opinions.  This is my opinion and I stick with it.  I wish them all the best if they opted to adopt one of these dolls to replace their little angel.

When I was with the support groups based in overseas, we often shared our heartfelt talks about ‘visitations’. Of course, the group has moderators who normally try   to point out the facts so as not to confused the newly bereaved parents.

When a parent is newly bereaved, some may be so deeply in grief that they lost their normal way of reasonings. One mother whose daughter committed suicide after a few months in her university, was waiting for her daugther to return every day. (after the death) She would sit and wait in the dark for her return.

I was related to the family and advised her children (two grown adults) to continue reminding the mom that their sister is no longer coming back. Though it may seems cruel, it has to be affirmed into her what is fact or otherwise, she would sink further and further into her confusion. Though I did get some contacts for the mom to seek a counsellor, the family was not receptive to the idea. (she is much better now)

So, although bereaved parents do really want to be ‘in touch’ with the deceased child, it is often good for the people around to gently remind the bereaved parents of the reality. Do not encourage the bereaved parents to dwell too deeply into any sort of beliefs, rituals or shamans where they can actually get in touch with the child.  However, it is also very hard to stop the bereaved parents as they are very focused on doing whatever they believe in.
Like my relative, she went through a lot of agonies in trying to appease her daugther. Mediums in trances told her that the soul was left behind in the university in another state, 600 KM away. She went to great lengths to bring her back. The airline did not allow her to bring the umbrella (which is purportedly to shelter the soul) into the plane. Hence, she was so stressed out that her daughter had failed to ride on the plane with her to return. Thereafter, she went to even more rituals.

I did not want to be involve in their family affairs after giving them the counsellor’s contact as we were of different religious faiths. A kind word from me may receive hostile reactions. I only observe from far.

As for me, I did went through some situations where I truly believed that there is some form of subtle messages sent to me. I shall elaborate more on another post.

For the parting message, if you are a bereaved parent, allow yourself just some tiny signs and subtle messages. A butterfly. Some feather. Or flowers that bloom mysteriously. A dream, maybe. Whatever it is, do let your child’s soul free. Do not hang on and try to call him/her back. This will only make everyone’s life much more difficult. With time, you will have less need to be ‘in touch’ because you know that your child is safely up in Heaven (or any place that your religion believe in) and you will slowly meander back to life here.

When you know someone whose child has died do you…

• miss the funeral because you didn’t know their child?
• say something comforting like,”thank God you have other kids?”
• first want to know how the child died?
• avoid that person so you won’t have to say anything at all?
• never mention their child because you know it will bring tears?
• think there is a time when the parents should get over it?

Sad as it may sound, these are the things that happened to us bereaved parents. A few relatives came by the funeral wake of my son, dropped some donations and left because they said, “This (funeral) is too sad for us to go through.”

Then, the most common remark younger women whom are still in child-bearing age gets is - Don’t worry, you can have another baby again soon.
What about telling a friend, “Don’t cry so much, bad for your eyes.”

Well, we have done that before, haven’t we? And we think it is the acceptable social conversation. However it is not. It can be very hurtful to the bereaved parents. So, there is a book on how to deal with the awkward situation when attending funerals and dealing with bereaved parents. Of course, this is not a regular coffee table book. But if you are interested, there is a book written by a beareaved mom which others may wish to check out. Find out how to purchase the book here.