I admit that I ‘talked’ to my deceased son for weeks after his death. I limited it to just before bed time. It is a natural thing because when he was around, my life was built and centered around him. There were periods in my life when I did not even need to sleep because he was home on oxygen supply through the oxygen concentrator. My doctor couldn’t get a home unit of the SP02 machine for me and I was therefore, very afraid that my baby would pulled off the tube while I was sleeping.
So, when you have that amount of devotion to someone, you can’t just close the case and forget it right after his funeral. Those little night wishes and wonderings how he was doing over at ‘the other side’ kept my morale high. It was like a little thread that I still hang on to him. No way can I severe it at that time.
Anyway, God is great and I got pregnant accidentally after that and my focus shifted somewhat. Moreover, I have other children and therefore, did not have much time to dwell on my deceased son.
However, I know many bereaved parents have carried on this little ritual a bit too far like years and continue having that ‘talk’ daily. I am not in a position to tell them what is healthy and what is not. So, I can only watch from afar and keep praying that they will move on somehow.
I hope to share this article I found from Reuters about how one deals with grief.
CHICAGO (Reuters) - The most common reaction to the death of a loved one from natural causes is not depression as has been thought but rather yearning or pining, a study said on Tuesday.
The study found that the most characteristic feature of bereavement after a death by natural causes “is more about yearning and pining and missing the person — a hunger for having them come back,” said senior author Holly Prigerson, director of Dana-Farber’s Center for Psycho-Oncology and Palliative Care Research.
Regardless of how the data are analyzed, the study concluded, all of the negative responses are in decline by about six months after a loss. If it goes beyond six months the bereaved survivor may have to be referred for treatment. (full story here on Reuters)
I often hinted to some of the bereaved parents to seek professional medical attention when I notice that they aren’t coping well. But sadly, most of them are not receptive and feel that it is a ‘normal thing’ to continue having that bouts of delusion of their deceased children around them.
Wen Said:
on September 24, 2007 at 9:16 am
hi lilian,
My fren lost his son in a car accident in january. Do u have any articles esp from the church for her to read? She now does meditation and sometimes i feel that she is still grieving. I would liketo help her. She doesnt use the internet so i doubt she will go into the forum u have created.