My father died when I was about seven years old. At that time, everything seems to happen ‘outside’ my world and I was just looking in. Sometimes, a grieving parent may be too emotional over the loss of their spouse and overlook the inner fears of a small child over the loss of one of the parent.
Looking back, I wished my mother had allowed me the chance to grieve over the death instead of detaching all emotions like I did. This left a big vaccum in part of my teenage’s life until when I was much, much older and was able to accept that death is just part of living.
Here is a short guide on helping children to cope and they have even segregate the ages and how to deal with each age group:
NEW YORK (Reuters) — Watching a parent die of a terminal disease is traumatic for any child, but families can take steps to help them through it, according to researchers.
Age, they say, makes a substantial difference in how children understand and react to a parent’s illness, and a 4-, 7- and 9-year-old all need very different types of support.
Writing in CA: A Cancer Journal for Clinicians, Drs. Grace H. Christ and Adolph E. Christ describe what they learned in interviews with 87 families of children who’d lost a parent to cancer.
With 3- to 5-year-olds, one of the most important things is to consistently reassure them during their parent’s illness that they will be taken care of, according to the researchers, who are based at Columbia University and SUNY Health Science Center in New York.
Children between the ages of 6 and 8, on the other hand, understand death. But they may be highly emotional and even blame themselves for their parent’s illness, according to the researchers.
With 9- to 11-year-old children, the researchers advise families to give detailed information about the parent’s illness and treatment so they will know what to expect. Children this age even benefit from being able to help in their parent’s care, the authors note, but they should not have any major responsibility.
After a parent’s death, the researchers say, it’s best for children in all these age groups to get back to school and their normal activities as soon as they can, to maintain a sense of stability in their lives.