I wish more medical caregivers and the public are made known of these when dealing with the parents of a stillbirth or neonatal death:
To be together alone
Bereaved parents need time alone. They need to be able to hold one another.. cry together.. talk together.. reassure one another.. comfort one another in privacy.
To be alone
Each bereaved parents needs space in which they can be alone. Some aspects of the grief process require solitude.
Wanting to talk
Bereaved parents have a need to talk about the death of their baby. Mothers quickly show this need and they should be allowed to talk freely. Fathers tend to “internalize” and withdraw, but should be encouraged to talk about what has happened. Talking about the death of the baby helps greatly.
Photographs
Photos should be taken of every baby who has died. These photos should be made available to the parents. If at first they say no to this offer - they should be allowed to change their mind. These photos become very precious to the parents and especially to other children in the family as time goes on.
To hold and see their baby
Every parent should be given an opportunity to decide for themselves if they wish to see and hold their dead baby. This is particularly important if the baby is stillborn. To be able to see and hold their baby helps establish the reality of their child and this is necessary, especially for healthy resolution of grief. Parents should be encouraged… never forced… and allowed to change their minds if they wish. Always remember that reality is better than fantasy.
Funeral arrangements
Health care professionals should never presume to decide for the parents that a hospital burial (unmarked grave) is in their best interests. Not to know where or when your baby is buried does cause a lot of heartache for many bereaved parents. The baby is theirs… and they should be given full information of all the funeral options and be allowed to decide for themselves the funeral for their own baby.
Please read the full article at SANDs :
About SANDS
SANDS offers support to all bereaved parents and relatives who have suffered the death of a baby anytime from conception through to 28 days after birth - this includes, miscarriage, neonatal death, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy and genetic/medically advised termination.
Our support to bereaved parents does not cut off at 28 days after birth, bereaved parents whose baby dies later in infancy are also welcome to SANDS.
However, each of us can help by being more aware of the feelings of those newly bereaved parents and educate those we know. This way, we will build a more sympathatic community.