Sometimes, I wonder if what I posted here will ever get read by bereaved parents when they should. You see, when my own son was critically ill and the doctor had prepared me that he may die, I still shy away from facing it.
At that time, i do surf a lot on the internet, seeking cures for him. Once in a while, I would stumbled upon memorial sites and I would immediately exited the page because I do not want to read, know or see it. It was too hard for me to stomach.
Therefore, I think most parents are unlikely to read ‘how to organise a funeral for you child’ before the real thing. Most of us would plodded along while the undertakers take over. However, there are little things that we could have done, should we know about it.
So, I comforted myself that probably whatever I painstakingly share here will be read and who knows, someone who read it, may help a parents who just lost their child to prepare a memorable funeral.
I found some guidelines from the Hospice site:
If possible, plan a funeral service that is scaled down to a child’s level of understanding and communication. The following guidelines may be helpful:
- Contact the funeral director, minister or rabbi to let him or her know of your plans, and to find out if he or she is willing to be involved.
- Find out if children are interested in such a service. It is okay if they are not, but try to determine the root of their hesitation. Usually resistance is due to lack of information about what the service might involve. Invite questions and explain that they will be included in planning of “their” service.
- Decide on the location of this service. It could be held at the funeral home, place of worship or other meaningful location.
- Plan who will be invited, and call the parents of these children; parents should accompany their young ones. Parents usually sit in the back, with children in a circle on the floor on pillows. A parent may want to take pictures, so decide in advance whether this is appropriate. Have tissues available, especially for the parents.
- Plan the service with the children’s input. Ask what they would like to include, and use these examples to stimulate your own creativity:
- Music should be chosen by the children and geared toward their age level. It is good to have at least one song that all the children know.
- The selected readings might be favorite stories or memories of the person. Discuss them with the children ahead of time. Poetry is good to read, as well.
- Provide the children with markers, crayons and paper, and invite them to draw a special memory that could be shared. These may be given to bereaved family as a treasure.
- Small, inexpensive gifts, such as flowers, balloons, notes, snapshots, or artwork could be placed in the casket as a way of saying goodbye.
Please surf over to the Hospice site for a complete reading.
I had personally written some tips for a child funeral and will share my personal views on another post.